


Flowers and honey

by Jade_exe



Series: The damage after the fall [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hurt, I'm Sorry, M/M, dancer hyungwon, introspective, pianist hoseok, professional performers, stage fright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jade_exe/pseuds/Jade_exe
Summary: "We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick."





	Flowers and honey

**Author's Note:**

> song recommendation: lovely - Billie Eilish ft. Khalid

Sometimes it hurts less to let yourself fall, rather than fighting tooth and nail.

Yes, sometimes it does. But you don’t get to know in advance which is the case and which isn’t.

So there he is. Staring in awe is everything he manages to do, while his mind silently runs wild and makes him wonder whether his arms could be a better place to get lost in.

Hoseok tries to press the keys more softly, too sweetly for him to be able to do it. He has never learnt to play piano that way.

But the slim and graceful dancer taking over the stage right in front of his piano, he makes Hoseok want to play for him like that. He makes Hoseok wish his fingers could easily transform the notes into flower petals and honey. Sweet and delicate, just as the moves the dancer is blessing his eyes with. He looks like a newborn butterfly in the majesty of her first flight, he makes Hoseok want to create a proper place for that butterfly to live forever.

He hopes his emotions will permeate in the music, in the thin air the dancer is haughtily moving away, so that they’ll reach out to him eventually. And yet he also hopes they don’t.

Music is the only language Hoseok has ever learnt well enough to be able to channel his feelings in it. But the dancer, who’s twirling tiptoe on the notes that Hoseok is executing exclusively for him, apparently knows this language better than Hoseok does. That’s the only way to explain why his head feels weightless and it spins madly, indulging the beat that his racing heart imposes.

That must be the only reason why every fiber of his being is so absorbed in those instants that Hoseok suddenly forgets everything about who Mozart, Chopin, Beethoven and Liszt are. Only his feelings and how the skilled dancer seems to be using them as his actual stage are the true things that matter now.

He forgets everything he has learnt in those eight years of sleepless nights and endless tears. He gets rid of every rigid formality that imposes him to play the instrument the way everyone says is correct. That’s not enough to make Hyungwon truly shine.

So he forgets the audience, the lights, the reverberation the music hall produces. He deprives himself of everything. If that could be of any help to let Hyungwon stand out just a tiny bit more, he’d even forget his own name. He takes everything that bounds his body to that world made out of unreachable limits and unsatisfiable standards, he takes everything that bounds his soul to that imperfect body of his and he throws it all away. He lets his fingers run freely on the keys and, yes, there it is: the sound he was looking for.

Hyungwon perceives the change, Hoseok can see it in his eyes as the tall dancer glares at him for a fleeting instant.

It’s insane how Hyungwon is capable of making Hoseok’s heart beat at the pace he pleases. It always ends up like that at this point of the piece.

The flowers petals are only there to cover an expanse of thorns and the honey drops have just the purpose to let Hyungwon move smoothly without tangling in the sharp air that he struggles so much to defeat and to bend to his will.

Of course Hoseok is always the one who takes care to create those perfect conditions for Hyungwon to be able to dance flawlessly. He’s the one who places himself between those harsh conditions and Hyungwon’s fragile body, because he more than everyone else knows how torturing those minutes spent on stage are.

And it’s painful, it’s so agonizing, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The sorrow grows to his climax as Hoseok presses the last note, the final key, the sound that makes Hyungwon’s limbs stop moving, their whole complex being like a carillon eventually finishing its little show.

Hoseok’s knees are shaking violently as he stands up and flanks Hyungwon on the very front of the stage. They coordinately bow to the judges and to their audience before taking their leave together.

The loud noise of people clapping and asking for an encore feels like a distant rustle to Hoseok’s ears. The only sound he’s able to perceive is his own blood rushing to assist his grieving heart. He cannot believe it’s already over.

Every time it’s always the same. It’s like he’s stuck on a piece set on repeat. It’s like being victim of a deadly spell. It’s like feeling the poison you willingly drank beginning to kill you languidly. It’s so painful, but it’s also so addictive.

_How did he end up like this?_

**Author's Note:**

> this has been such a rollercoaster to write and tbh I was about to cry my eyes out, so I'm really sorry for you my dear readers oof
> 
> If you ever wanna chat with me you can find me on Twitter @Won_my_heart 
> 
> -Jade


End file.
